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Since apparently I am 'disavowing all knowledge' of my relationship with Ken, let me make it clear to anyone who didn't read this line in my previous post;
"After he and Sema separated he told me he loved me. Nihaler gave us permission to 'date' in a purely non-physical way."

There was a poly-amorous relationship going on to the most literal definition of the word, many loves. Nihaler and I are married, Ken never came close to that, and was only allowed hugs and snuggles and innocent kisses and only when Foxa was home and present. Trying to push me into having sex, groping me while I was asleep in bed after we had broken up, being upset and whiny when Foxa's wishes and needs came before his own, having to have supervision, and trying to guilt me into sex with him because he 'needed' me physically for there to be a continuing relationship, were NOT part of that. He spun a story about how abusive Sema had been to him, and like a fool, I took the bait.
I fell into a kind of love that can be likened to a mother for a child. I wanted to take care of him and make him feel better. When he lived with me I did his laundry, Foxa or I cooked, I cleaned, and every once-in-a-while he'd clean out the catbox. Keeping in mind when he first moved in with me I could still just barely walk, yet I was the one doing all the chores. His clothes were constantly strewn about my living room, even after we spent money to get a dresser for him to put them in.
Between late August and mid-October Ken lived at the house here in Midlothian. In December I broke everything off with him for various reasons, not the least of which were his suggestive comments, trying to make out with me when Foxa was not home, and telling me how much he wanted one of my sisters.

On January 27th, more than a month after I had broken up with Ken he came over to give me a lovely gift of the first a second seasons of Fraggle Rock, a show I dearly loved. I was appreciative, and it was late so I called Foxa to ask if Ken could crash on the couch for the night. Foxa said yes and I went to bed, Ken already asleep on the couch. I lay down at 2AM. At 3ish I was awoken by someone in bed with me. At first I thought it was Foxa, but it was way too early, and I realized there was a hand in my crotch. I shouldered back into him and pushed him off the bed and called Foxa who told Ken in no uncertain terms to get the hell out and if he was still there when Nih got home Ken would be in a world of hurt.

When softball started this year, Ken had recently gotten a new girlfriend. That didn't stop him from singling me out and sitting at the picnic table telling me he was "nothing but Foxums. Not Ken Redtail, Not Ken Trayling, Just Foxums." (A pet name I had given him) Telling me he needed me and that Jess didn't make him happy, and only I could do that. He could only sing for me. Blah blah blah. Thankz to Foxa I did not fall back into a trap, but even in this relationship with Jess that he told me he "want[ed] to see if [he] can do better, prove [himself]." The same things he is spouting now about Britin.
I tried to help him. I tried to give him advice to help him make better decisions, but I can't stand idly by while he continues to hurt me and those around me. Ken is greedy, selfish, and sex crazed. Amulet put it best when she said he doesn't care who he steps over to get it.

Contrary to his belief I am not doing this intentionally to hurt him. I am doing this partially because I need people to know who he really is inside of a relationship, and also to clarify because he seems to think I am not acknowledging he and I dated.

What worries me greatly is his most recent post declaring " I think, in my quests, I have lost sight of what I was trying to achieve. I got careless, I got sloppy, I became too much at ease." The last words said there are exactly what people use to describe serial criminals. I'm not saying he is criminal. I am just saying the comparison is there.

Ken, seek help, please. For your benefit, and the benefit of any woman you may date in the future. You are spiraling down in a pattern of bad choices and thinking with the bits in your pants. You need to grow up and take responsibility for your bad choices, not using them as an excuse to get with another woman you want to mother you. You are not the only person with problems that I know of, but you are the only one of my friends who has shown no actual desire to change. In one year, you have made no progress since I met you, despite your declarations about wanting to be better.

Comments

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rooneil
Jun. 30th, 2007 01:17 am (UTC)
I used to be or am one of his obsessions. I am going to the Noahs Ark event, now I know he is too but i have a good group around me that will not let him come near me. He acted dumb to the fact I wanted him to leave me alone, he proclaimed things of friendship and/or love many a times for me and I knew he was in a bad mindset. I too wish he would get help, I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I had to deal with a weird voicemail *shudders* and that was a couple weeks ago which the weird, unknown calls stopped after he was confronted..scary..
ken_redtail
Jun. 30th, 2007 09:01 am (UTC)
I've never called you or left a voicemail. Sorry.
Too lazy to title. - semjay - Jun. 30th, 2007 09:15 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - ken_redtail - Jun. 30th, 2007 09:17 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - semjay - Jun. 30th, 2007 09:19 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - rooneil - Jun. 30th, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
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semjay
Jun. 30th, 2007 01:27 am (UTC)
I love how he says that -I- was abusive when he was the one that had me crying on the phone almost every night. I love how -I'm abusive- because I broke up with him and started dating a much better guy. Has he so forgotten that out relationship was in shambles before he left for cruise? That night we went to visit you and Nih - we had been screaming at each other in the car the whole way. I was sick that whole week with the stomach flu and he was SO INCONSIDERATE of that fact that I told him to GTFO of my house one of the days he was in town. The last day in town we went to NIU to visit Taren - we were so pissed at each other in the AM that the we did not speak the entire way to De Kalb. When we were at NIU, we had a "snugglecon" with Taren, meaning the three of us just snuggled together. It was very apparent that I was much closer to Taren than to Ken, and it was even more obvious when my mood from the morning has pulled a 180 after visiting Taren. I wanted to break up with Ken before he left for cruise, but I was afraid too, I was afraid he'd try and commit suicide as he often threatened and told me about his previous attempts. Taren and I got close (not cheating mind you, just snuggling and perhaps a harmless peck on the cheek, things Ken and I agreed were OKAY in our relationships with other people) - but people took that as we were having sex (FOR GOD'S SAKE IT TAREN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE - WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?) and took the liberty of emailing Ken all about it while on cruise. At that point, I had no choice but to break up with him. I would of waited until after cruise... but people sticking there noses in my business caused me to have to do it sooner.

And that's just the last month of our relationship >.<

Again, thank you for being the only one to bring this out in the open. It's good for the rest of the community and I hope that it's good for him as well. He needs SERIOUS help - I really thing he should admit himself into the psych-ward for a few weeks to get help.

-Sema



I love how I was the one who had to go to therapy while we were together,
wolff_slaven
Jun. 30th, 2007 01:46 am (UTC)
That's what I can an unhealthy relationship - good thing you got out while you did.
Too lazy to title. - stephyski - Jun. 30th, 2007 03:46 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - semjay - Jun. 30th, 2007 04:02 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - stephyski - Jun. 30th, 2007 04:08 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - semjay - Jun. 30th, 2007 04:14 am (UTC) - Expand
mestopho
Jun. 30th, 2007 03:15 am (UTC)
I'm in a spicy mood, just had tacos and all, so I am going to add 2 more cents.

Ken, this is pretty much directed directly at you. You asked me if I trusted you still. After a long time of thinking, I came to a decision. That answer is no.

As for everything that Rayven has said, I agree with her. You need to get help. No one wants to see you going down this road. Like I told you before, get help. Go crash at your parents. Lay low. No offense to Erin, but you might want to stay away from her too. You are in NO shape to have a relationship right now. You have a lot of changing to do before you will ever be ready.

stephyski
Jun. 30th, 2007 03:38 am (UTC)
You know, this is absolutely sickening, I really don't know how else to describe it. In the end, Ken definitely needs to seek professional help, because it's just becoming obvious that he both does not know how to treat and respect women, and does not know how to keep it in his pants, apparently.

Good on you for getting away from a bad situation and even better on your mate for being understanding and supportive. It's really sad to watch somebody dig their own hole like this and have it explode, but hey, maybe this will be enough of a shock to him to warrant a change for the better.

I feel stupid for believing his bullshit to the point where I made some bad judgements on other people (semjay included, among other people), just because I was willing to give Ken the benefit of the doubt. After hearing all of this, I have no reason left to believe that he is being truthful and the fact that he's been trying to justify what he did to you... he's lost a shitload of credibility in my eyes. This 'love' of his is really looking to be just a series of unhealthy obsessions, usually with women that he can't have. It's wrong and I really hope he gets the help he needs.
semjay
Jun. 30th, 2007 04:09 am (UTC)
It's almost always with woman he can't have. When he started pulling this with me - I was dating another guy. Ken urged me to break up with him (even sending me flowers on valetines day when my BF at the time had a whole evening planned for us) - Ken said he would move mountains for me and that he'd be a better lover than my now ex, Brad. When he finally did get with me, the whole "I'll move mountains for you" thing vanished. He did nothing to try and keep the relationship going - well, other than the suicide threats...

Not to mention, when he was trying to get with and when he started dating me - HE WAS DATING SOMEONE ELSE AT THE TIME TOO! His EXBOYFRIEND - Rob - IMed me late one night and told me the whole story of "um, you're kinda dating my boyfriend". - Shoulda been a real sign right there, huh?

And now looking back - I feel like the biggest idiot of them all. I was the one engaged to this psycho!!

-Sema

Too lazy to title. - stephyski - Jun. 30th, 2007 04:16 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - semjay - Jun. 30th, 2007 04:17 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - wolff_slaven - Jun. 30th, 2007 02:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
anewlife05
Jun. 30th, 2007 05:13 am (UTC)
I agree with everyone. Although I only have known Ken for a short time, he took me when i was vulnerable and recently single and told me that he would always be there for me and that he loved me.

He wanted sex right away. I held back as much as I could but it became a constant nag for it. I feel like an idiot for having given in now.

He does need serious help. He needs to admit himself into a physc ward and get the help necessary. I am worried about his new girlfriend. I hope that we can all help her in anyway possible to see the real him.

He ripped my heart to shreds just weeks after we started dating, dumping me by text message and then giving me the silent treatment for a week until he ended up at my door to hand me my stuff back and hug me and tell me we would always stay as friends.. then no more word from him till a couple days ago. He said he was frightened of my intentions and didn't want to be alone with me.. God its me that should be scared of him. And honestly I don't know what to feel.

I did everything in my power for him. And to find out that he said that crap to Rayven at softball hurts alot. Im not upset at you Rayven. Thanks for letting it all out in the open.

Anyway Ken, please get help. If you need help getting it ask. I want you to get better.

ken_redtail
Jun. 30th, 2007 09:15 am (UTC)
Let me address this one.

This individual and I were set up in a blind date that I was uncomfortable in from the start. It was she, not I, that began pressuring me for sex and closeness, sending me emails and text messages about how she wish I would come over and hold her in my arms and how she's all sexy in bed or whatever. I was constantly put in situations where I was uncomfortable with, where my hands were grabbed and placed in ways that made me uncomfortable. Because by this time, well, you know I'd begin to learn my lessons. I saw that my own similar actions were wrong and I've seen how they've made people feel because they were done to me. I've been getting professional help because I can't stand the way I've treated people in the past.
Eventually under advice of my friends who saw this as not helping me to improve, including Rayven, I broke it off with her. I didn't know what to say, so I backed away. I needed space. I needed NOT to be in a relationship. Hey, guess what, I don't NEED to be in a relationship with Britin either. Over this past week, I've learned that she is a fantastic person and a good friend. Guess what, folks. Relationships are not the be all, end all for me. Maybe at one time they were. And I've been hurt by that belief because I've willingly thrown myself into bad relationship after bad relationship. But Britin is going to be my friend first and foremost and if she chooses, we'll go further beyond that. I have no intentions of pressuring her further than that, because I'm enjoying just the friendship. If Chris wanted to get back with her, he probably could. I sat down and I talked to her about all this before she got involved with this because she's pissed that my personal drama is dragging her into this. Get this, folks, she does not want to talk to you. Leave her the fuck alone and out of this.
Jess messaged me a few weeks ago, offering to have me drive out there and sleep over and give me a back massage. Guess what? I was really uncomfortable over it. I did not want to be anything but single at that and I felt she was pressuring me into the same situations that I had done in the past. Having felt that, I stepped back further.
So, as of now, you're probably not going to see much of me around now. I have things to deal with, like my own mother's cancer, therapy and getting a new place to live. The third thing is not a dispute between myself and Chris. It's just time I moved on. My truck is finally paid for and I can afford to live in my own apartment or put a down payment on a house. I'm even thinking of moving to California by now.

Goodbye, folks.
Too lazy to title. - semjay - Jun. 30th, 2007 09:22 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - ken_redtail - Jun. 30th, 2007 10:33 am (UTC) - Expand
arazia
Jun. 30th, 2007 12:52 pm (UTC)
Since I've largely kept this to myself, I figure I should put up my own experiences to add to the list.

Sometime not long after Ken got back from cruise he started talking to me regularly. We'd met once or twice beforehand, and I offered him some sympathy for the breakup. I feel bad whenever someone breaks up and try to support people. It's my nice nature. Because of this, I think he got somewhat attached to me, in the same way he seemed to attach to everyone else.

I can't remember exactly when it started, but I know the physical stuff got too much for me at MFF and I started trying to avoid 'close quarters' with him whenever possible. While I accept hugs from people, there are very few people I feel physically comfortable with. At the time, Ken knew I was engaged and was still trying to push me into doing other things with him.

Over the course of the time that followed, he started laying these strange guilt trips on me for getting married. He kept saying that every time he thought of me with my fiance' that it made him sick. He kept telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me, etc. etc. Which sounds like a bit of a broken record for most people here. Even after I was married, he continued this line of discussion, asking me if 'I thought things would have been different if he'd have asked me first blah blah'.

Anyways, in recent days, I have zero trust in Ken. He's hurt people I care about and has lied about them and lied to me about things even when confronted with his own lies. I've said before that I think he needs to get some councelling. I have told him he needs to get his own issues sorted out before getting into another relationship. Because right now it is becoming a downward spiral of failed attempts at relationships with any woman who will give him the time of day. That's not love...
hitchhyena
Jun. 30th, 2007 09:53 pm (UTC)
Wow. He really is a scum bag.
(Anonymous)
Jun. 30th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)
Here I go.
I know you don't know me, but I consider Sema a friend, and since it's my nature to love people (doesn't matter who), I really want Ken to get his life in control, too.

I knew Sema and Ken when they started dating and then got engaged. I have a friend (an RL friend) who is a furry, and so I just kinda read some LJs around his friends list and eventually found Sema, and then (obviously) Ken. So I started reading their journals and everything.

Fast Forward.

After they broke up, I got stories from both of them, but I always just got this vibe from Ken that was a little..."off". I IMed Sema on AIM, but I never put Ken on there until....a few months ago, or something like that. He had just randomly IMed me and it was really weird. He started in with the hugs and the snuggles and kisses and everything, and I ignored it at first, but then it just started weirding me out more and more. I mentioned something to Sem and she had done nothing more than state the facts, that that was how it started with her and Ken, and she told me to stick with my instincts and guard myself. So, the next time he IMed me I asked him to tone it down with all the...actions, I guess you could say.

I still continued to talk to him if he IMed me, but it was still weird, and I would only carry out superficial convos with him, just because I wanted to hold him at a distance. Heh, I don't have a backbone, and I'm trying to work on that, especially when it comes to doing what I need to do when it comes to my integrity, etc.

Then, one day, I just went in and deleted him off of my LJ friends list, and blocked him on IM.

So, this is me, stepping up and saying my part. I know what it's like to be on the other end of one of Ken's acts and the way it makes you feel (at least it makes me feel gross and disgusting...).
l8nitewriter
Jun. 30th, 2007 10:05 pm (UTC)
Um, that was me.
I figured out why that posted anonymous...I didn't log in. Sorry about that.
bladespark
Oct. 7th, 2007 02:47 am (UTC)
bladespark
Oct. 7th, 2007 03:54 am (UTC)
Oops, I didn't realize how old this post was! A friend of mine who's been having troubles with Ken linked to it. I guess he really doesn't ever change...
Too lazy to title. - rayvenwolffe - Oct. 7th, 2007 10:01 am (UTC) - Expand
Too lazy to title. - isteillia - Oct. 9th, 2007 01:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
vixent_fox
Nov. 22nd, 2008 08:46 am (UTC)
Sorry I'm so terribly late!
Just when you thought it was over.... and the silence will last. He comes back to bug you again. >_< You can't believe what kind of crap he pulls. He's even dissing on my admittedly young boyfriend. Of course, he denies it. But I know for certain it's him. The info used for the article against me, found here: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Vixen_T._Fox was found on my own LJ. Now, I know I've had some serious emotional issues in the past, but I've since worked those out (save for my temper). He's the only one on LJ who had anything to gain from writing stuff about my boyfriend, using info from LJ. Once I defriended him, the article stopped expounding on my boyfriend. But I'm not for certain that he's just waiting for a better opportunity. At any rate, I'd just forget about the jerkwad. If he wants to kill himself that's his problem now. I'm not going to shed any tears over it. That may sound harsh and unchristian and whatever, but I have no sympathy for guys like him. Take my advice and let every girl and guy you know about him, so that they can avoid him. That is all. Sorry for making your eyes fall out.
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